When grief lives in the body

Abstract

We often think of grief as a personal emotional experience and a heavy weight on the heart and mind. However, if anyone has ever been through it, these people know it does not stay there. Grief sinks into our bones, settling in our stomachs, and making itself known in countless physical ways, among which there is a lack of exercise, emotional overeating, ordering takeout, or experiencing the thought of eating just impossible. Another effect of grief is isolation from the beloved, which often leads to malnutrition when people do not eat enough due to loss of appetite. Mealtimes come and go, but food goes untouched because the appetite has vanished. It is a full-body experience. In the early days and weeks after a loss, our bodies often carry the burden of the pain. However, later, an individual might find himself turning to food for comfort, ordering in, reaching for junk food, and perhaps pulling away from friends who would usually encourage a person to take a walk or share a healthy meal. This can lead to weight gain. Grief sends stress hormones, such as cortisol, into overdrive. When the body system is overfilled with these chemicals, it can suppress the immune system. A person in grief can catch every cold that goes around, or cannot shake the flu, or notice skin breaking out, adding insult to injury. For those already at risk, the stress can be even more severe: in the days following a loved one’s death, the risk of a heart attack can actually spike. There is even a name for the deep physical impact of a broken heart: stress-induced cardiomyopathy, or “broken-heart syndrome”. As C. R Sunstein in his survey in Harvard Health explains, an overflow of stress hormones can temporarily stun the heart muscle, making it pump inefficiently and mimicking the “symptoms of a heart attack, such as chest pain and shortness of breath”. It is a shocking reminder that our emotions and our hearts are physically connected.